give and take
by tiddarifka
Summary: Bits  of stories
1. Chapter 1

These stories are all random bits and pieces please enjoy. I owned nothning.

Why are you hugging me Kakashi san?

The words rather muffled by a shock of silver hair manage to sound both bewildered and outraged at the same time. The speaker was one Iruka Umuino, who was currently seated on the floor of the mission room ( full of bored ninjas waiting for missions) with his (technically) superior officer sitting on his legs, all four limbs surrounding his torso and his face buried in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

Iruka wriggled a bit in an attempted to free himself but Kakashi san just tightened his hold and muttered "Just ten seconds more and I'll let go".

True to his word he let go got up and helped Iruka to his feet, who was looking at him like he was modern art come to life. Kakashi smiled gave a two finger salute and said " Naruto's right you really do give the best hugs", before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Iruka then spent the rest of the day being hugged by ninja who "just wanted to see what Kakashi was on about".


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi San Could you please stand just there, yes that's it now just turn to face the monument please thank you.

Now children, there you have it, a perfect human sundial, please note how the point of his hair style makes his shadows perfect clock hands.

Err Kakashi san are you all right; you did say wanted to help me teach my class didn't you?


	3. Chapter 3

"No, no, no enough with the scissors Kakashi san!" Iruka ducked under an arm holding said scissors and then did a sharp back elbow into the clone appearing behind him, before entering the Hokage's office.

"The files you request Hokage Sama" He stated, placing several folders on the large desk. Tsunade looked at him bemused before asking "Why is Kakashi kun running after you with scissors Iruka san?" Iruka blushed, sighed and then cleared his throat before taking a report delivering stance.

"Remember how the Jonin level showering facilities in the tower are unavailable at the moment and that everyone must share the Chunin facilities"? "Yes." "Well I walked in on Kakashi san shaving and now he says it's only fair that since I saw him without his mask, he should be able to see me without my hair tied up".

The Hokage gave a rather undignified giggle, "Well, at least you're getting some extra training in". "Yes Hokage sama" Iruka replied and turned to leave. "Oh Iruka" She called after him "What does Kakashi look like without his mask"? Iruka sighed again "How would I know Hokage sama, his face was covered in shaving cream" and left the office.


	4. Chapter 4

"No, Kakashi san turning into an adorable chibi version of yourself will not get you out of rewriting this dog's dinner you call a report". " No, big tearful eyes and trembling bottom lip won't work either". "For the last time _**No**_ and get the puppyfied versions of your summons off my desk before I stick you with the worst D rank I can find."

So says Iruka Umerio of the mission desk.


	5. Chapter 5

The formal meeting of government officials and ninja council finished with both parties applying the official seals to the new treaties and other government documentation. The Hokage finishing with a formal bow to the diplomats of the royal court. All parties had retired to the informal rooms for a farewell drink, when a young lord ling approached Tsunade and made a respectful but whispered request. They both looked across the room to the young man's companions who nodded, smiled and generally groveled to Tsunade, (backing up their friend's request).

Tsunade slowly smiled like a shark at them, turned and beckoned to Kakashi, who stood guard by slouching behind a potted plant at the edge of the room. Tipped off by the smile he approached cautiously. Tsunade purred "Kakashi could you stand still and bend down a little so this nice boy is the same height as you." " Good now stay still and don't move!"

The lord ling took a deep breath, a step forward and plunged his hands into Kakashi's Hair, ruffled it for a few seconds before grinning, removing his hands and crowing " I win I win there's no Gel in his hair at all, it really does stand up that way by itself". He then bowed politely to Kakashi and again to Tsunade before scurrying off to collect his winnings from his fellows.

Kakashi stood there a moment nonplussed, then walked to the drinks table. Iruka, present as part of the diplomatic section, handed him some sake, smiled and said "At least it's a change from your mask." Kakashi swallowed the sake through his mask and looked seriously at Iruka. "Does it really look like I use gel?"


	6. Chapter 6

Wind blown

Wind blown

"What in KAMI's name happened to your hair Kakashi san?" asked a startled Iruka. The silver haired haystack shrugged and replied "The dogs and I went for a limo ride".


	7. Chapter 7

Air Attack.

Kakashi why is my bathroom mirror full of kunai?

"SHHH! There's some one hiding in there!"

….."I don't sense anyone".

"That's because they are hiding in a really good henge but I know their there because they keep sneezing."

"Sneezing?'

"Yeah every minute or so".

"Kakashi there's no one hiding in there."

"Yes there is, there they go again, they sneezed!!" "Wait don't' go in there!"

"Signs".

"Kakashi please stop, look and listen to this thing on the wall." "PHTTT."

SMASH!!

"KAKASHI that was an automatic air freshener dispenser, you didn't have to destroy it!"

"Yes I did, it made me look like an idiot."

"Sighs".

"Kakashi you always look like an idiot when you get this paranoid, now out of the way I have a bathroom to air."

Idiot jonin, one could never trust them to leave things well enough alone and now they had an incident that would make them the laughing stock of the hidden villages if it ever got out.

It all started with the Hokage upgrading the bath rooms and toilets in the public buildings. This was something that had been needing doing for years and Tusande had decided that in the interest of public health, she would do it thoroughly with all the latest hygiene gadgets to make them both more pleasant and easier to clean. The new plumbing was exceptional, the tiled surfaces a sanitary cleaners delight and the fittings were pristine.

The problem arose when the soap dispensers and automatic air fresheners were installed.

You see the hokage had completely underestimated the paranoia, free thinking and opportunism of her troops. To cut a long story short all of the previously mention devices were either removed, disabled or destroyed with in two days of installation.

The excuses given were remarkable.

The academy removed them because the students had started putting permanent dye in them as a prank on both teachers and fellow students.

The Office Nin disabled theirs because jumpy ninjas freshly returned from missions kept firing off kunai etc. because they couldn't recognize the sound as 'no threat'.

The Interrogation Unit just smashed theirs and said they were looking for bugs etc.

The rest just happened to break theirs because of a rumor that enemies had actually got at the dispensers at the factory and tainted the contents with poisons, virus and pheromones, that would render the Village helpless within a week of installation.

Tusande just shook her head, treated idiots who though they were inhaling pheromones and never mention it again.


	8. Chapter 8

Iruka carefully poured more hot water to the steaming bowl, and then added another drop or two of eucalyptus oil to it. Sighing he pushed it closer to the patient. "Come on "He chided,"Just a couple of deep breaths and your sinuses will start to unclogged".

A red eyed glare and a reluctant sniffing was his only reply.

"Look I'm sorry, but I have to teach the class about traps it's just bad luck that I had to teach about delaying pursuit the week before."

There was a violent sneeze. "Iruka sensei I respect you a great deal but I am not demonstrating methods to throw off scent trackers ever again!!" growled Pakkun.

Kakashi then looked up from his steaming bowl "And I promise never to call them snot nosed brats where they can hear me ever again!!"

Iruka looked at him. "You know Kakashi Sama that steam will work a lot better without the mask".


	9. Chapter 9

The lollypop.

Naruto started it really.

The lollipops for correctly done mission reports for Genin that is.

Iruka had of course resorted to old fashion bribery at times while teaching his classes and Naruto saw no reason why it had to stop outside the class room.

Iruka, sick of the argument had (using petty cash) purchased several ramen flavored lollipops to be handed over when Naruto handed in a correct report, and Iruka meant correct. No spelling mistakes, no smudges and all details included in the right sections.

Naruto got a lollipop about one in every five reports. (When he really needed the sugar after a mission). Of course this set off the other Genin who also found report writing unrewarding and so more lollipops was bought.

The office Chunin thought it all very silly but put up with it for the clean and therefore easy to file reports.

Then Gai decided he needed to improve his report writing and demanded that Iruka give him a lollipop when ever he gave in an excellent report.

Not that hard since Gai was a perfect report writer as it was, so a box of bright green lollipops were purchased just for him, much to his teams chagrin.

Well, Neji's any way; Tenten thought it was cute and way less embarrassing than some of the things their Sensei did, while Lee wanted to write up the reports himself for extra training. Trouble then started because the rest of the Jonin started wanting lollipops too, but none of them wanted to do a proper report to get one.

Now Iruka really put his foot down on this one. Genin and Chunin were handing in good reports (except when team members were dead, dieing or hospitalized, bad reports then just weren't an issue) and the Jonin were not. So unless the Jonin lifted their game they weren't getting any lollipops.

Iruka booby trapped the box and cupboard where they were kept just to be sure. The Hokage, sick of all the arguing and screams from the aforementioned cupboard, made it official – Clean and tidy report means 1 lollipop – end of story.

Soon all the Jonin including the extra scary ones had all fallen into line. Yes the more paranoid ones did take the lollipops apart and test them for poisons etc, but on the whole every one was happy.

Save one, Kakashi Haytae refused to hand in an clean tidy and accurate report on anything but the most the most important mission and even then he'd deliberately stop, put ink on his thumb and smear down the margin of the report before handing it over to Iruka. Who glared but did nothing, until the day, the wall of the mission office received a new decoration.

Directly behind Iruka's desk a wooden display box with a glass front was fixed. Covered in seals on the outside the inside was lined with royal blue velvet and on the velvet rested a large Lollipop. It was beautifully handmade, about 10cm in diameter with different flavors for each different color. But the picse de resistance was the two intricate figures inlaid upon it.

Most of the Ninja in the office took one look and grinned.

Gemna and the Hokage started a betting pool. Iruka just looked serene and waited. Kakashi turned up in the late afternoon and wondered why the mission room was so crowded before slouching up to desk and handing over a sloppy report.

Then his eyes found the display, his heart stopped and his mouth started to water. Before him in all its glory was an Ichi Ichi paradise theme lollipop. He swallowed, and then swallowed again before hearing Iruka calling his name. "This reported is not lollipop standard" were the words that shattered his world.

Kakashi looked at the challenge in Iruka's eyes and smiled before dragging himself out of the mission's office.

The next year and 3 months were a contest of wills between Kakashi and Iruka. At first Kakshi just tried to steal the lollipop but it was too well protected. Then he tried the steal the display case, the piece of wall it was on and lastly that whole section of the office, but Iruka had been very though in his security. These attempts were intersperse with break-ins to Iruka's apartment, classroom and desk, kidnap attempts and various attempts with truth serum in food and drink for Iruka.

Who countered with booby traps (bees, various mild poisons, really stingy whips and mousetrap like devices) cleaning duty, a thorough knowledge of escapology and an unbelievable immunity to truth serums.

Finally for the first time in his (non mission) life Kakashi admitted defeat and wrote report that was a thing of clerical delight. It was clean, accurate and detailed.

He grudgingly slouched into the mission office and slid the report across Iruka's desk.

Iruka took 10 minutes to go over it and then graciously stamped it and filed it.

With beatific smile Iruka then released the seals on the display box (No Kakashi didn't see how, he was staring at the floor) and handed over the lollipop.

Kakashi mustered up what dignity he could as he walked away with his prize to the catcalls and whistles of his fellow Jonin.

The next Time Kakashi went put in a report he saw the lollipop had been replaced by his beautiful report neatly framed with the caption 'Winner of the sucker award'.


End file.
